2. Puppet Master

The 48 Laws of Power was my bible and I felt untouchable. The laws have a simple premise, namely that certain actions will almost always increase your power.

Treat a woman like your best friend and she will ride hard for you. There isn’t much a woman wouldn’t do for the man she loves.

Well…at least that is what I thought. I used to have such a weak spot for that girl; there wasn’t much I wouldn’t do for her either. Her best friend, her confidant, give her money, buy her gifts, help her with her coursework,  be like her cab driver, sit up and just chat pure shit.

I thought what we had was untouchable – I was ready to give her the title and put all the other hoes to the side for her. I even put the other girl I was seeing on speaker phone, so that while we sat side by side in the TT, she could hear me ending things. She felt special: she knew what we had was real. From that moment forward, it was just her.

But she f@cked that up. She did me dirty. I didn’t think it could hurt so much, but yea, knowing someone you care so much for could kiss another man, sorry, that is unforgivable in my eyes – worse than sex.

That is the moment I knew we were done. But she had this infectious laugh and smile I just couldn’t escape. I got lost in her, felt comfortable when I was around her, but I wouldn’t let my guard down again. Those laws hadn’t failed me yet. Trust no one!

Then the day she told me the news I thought to myself ‘I kept that distance for a reason’ left her with that element of love yet confusion because I knew I would never give her the opportunity to have any power over me.

‘Is she mad?’ I thought to myself. ‘Is she trying to create a role of power here? She knows I love my daughters with all my heart. So maybe that’s what she wants with me too: our own little secure family and a future for us?’

How can you call me when I’m at work to tell me something like that? I was speeding down the A406 at the time, trying to fit in one more client. I literally had to pull up on the hard shoulder and turn the radio right down till the lyrics to Jhene Aiko’s  ‘Sailing not Selling’ quickly faded into the background.

‘I can’t listen to these slow jams right now.’ I thought. ‘I need to get my mind right and figure out the easiest way to get this girl to understand she can’t keep this baby.’

I was already a father of two – that had brought me enough complications! I was not about to let another woman tell me how my next chapter was going to end.

She didn’t even hit me with the standard “we need to talk” text, you know the one every pregnant girl opens with to ease you in? She just blurted it out like some ad on the front of the OK magazine, ‘I’m pregnant read all about it.’

My shock and anger made me go to Law 20 by default – ‘Law 20:Do not commit to anyone.’ I had to think about my situation. I had to play her like a game of chess: break down her walls, take her pawns and all her soldiers around her. Get to the queen and get her to checkmate. So no matter what move she made in this situation, she would have to do what I wanted to in the end. I knew it would be game over at that point.

So that is what I did. I told her to get rid of it. Not because I wanted to hurt her or because what we had meant nothing, more so because I knew we were in different places. I already had commitments. Did I really want another life long commitment with a woman I didn’t really trust? Did she deserve that?

I knew I was not innocent, I had my own series of infidelities, but I expected better from her – she knew me and I had opened up to her!

So I carried on with the aggression and  the I don’t give a f@ck attitude. Did it work?

Nope, because I got the three beeps. You know the one I mean, when she is mad and her fingers quickly reach for the red button ensuring she gets the last word. Infuriatingly, I thought ‘It’s happening, she is attempting to suck my power from right underneath me.’

So I drove on and parked up in the nearest carpark, which coincidentally was in front of Mothercare, Edmonton. Another clear sign that I needed to sort out this baby mess.

All I could think to myself was, think M. I knew what I had to do: put Law 12 in to play, yep, ‘Law 12: Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim.’

So I told her not what she wanted to hear, but what  I thought she could work with. I knew what she needed, she needed me to talk her through plan B, so she could visualise it and accept it.’

This girl was so organised, so creative and so methodical. She needed an idea, a plan, you know, something she could run with and make it her own vision in her head. She was good at fantasising, I just needed her to see sense.

The phone rang twice, she answered, “yes”, with that I’m so pissed at you voice she does. I could hear all her emotion screaming through that one word.

So I said, “I’m sorry babe, I didn’t mean to talk to you like that, I was just in shock. Let’s talk properly.

You caught me by surprise, but I’ve had time to think.” Then I said, “Keeping it is not a good idea, neither of us are in the right place, I’m still trying to make more money and you still need to finish uni and get yourself a good job. Let’s wait five years and try again”. “It will all make sense for both of us then, we need that time.” It’s a good plan for our future.

I told her, “do the right thing babe, make the appointment.”

That’s what he said…